HELLO PATRIOTS! Here is your red, white, and blue LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE 2020 hats! For just $19.99! Is there FREE SHIPPING? There is FREE SHIPPING! Order now, and we will send them to you when we receive them in like two weeks!
Wanna buy our Wonxclusive Hell. No. hat at the same time? I will make you a deal, one each of these beauties for $30 total, which is (MATH) like fifty percent off one maybe. (To be super duper clear here, that is a Literally Anyone Else 2020 hat AND a Hell. No. hat, for $30 total.) Man, I am good to you. You want that? You like that? Huh? Are we doing a good job? Then YOU go to our donation page and send $30 to rebecca at wonkette dot com, and put a note that it is for HAT SPECIALS, along with your name and mailing address, and I will send you one hat of each!
As always, if you are not in the US, please email me above to ask what we charge for Not America shipping, and we will get right back to you and say ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS, or like $14. The only thing we’ll Extremely Vet is the USPS foreign shipping rate webpage!
Now you have covered your head as you do in the presence of your more fundamentalist Gods. Go with Allah. Or Jesus. Or Y_hweh. Or Not Trump. (They are pretty much the same thing, no matter what Trump thinks.)
In Not Trump’s name we pray, amen.