The State Of The Wonkette Union Is ‘Grifty’
Friends, Wonkers, perverts, lend us your danglies and your girl-danglies, and also listen up, sons (and girl-sons)! We come before you today to tell you that in 2015 you gave Wonkette $79,071 straight...
View ArticleWonkette Dick Jokes Now Officially Sponsored By These Nice Penis Pump Folks!
Oh hi, Wonkers. We are aroused to tell you about some product offerings from one of our new friends, L.A. Pump. Yes, they are penis pumps and pussy pumps and clit pumps, and we know what you are...
View ArticleWell I Guess We Have To Make You This ‘Election Game Of US America Elections:...
Oh you Wonkers, with the way you shower us with love in the form of hard cash! You are so very nice to us!! You give us driveways to park our Wonkebago in, and you send us love notes, and also, did I...
View ArticleThe 2016 Wonkette Winter Wonksicle Tour, By The Numbers
Six weeks, 6,000 miles, and one illegal search and seizure later, the Wonkebago has turned back into our Montana driveway, and we’re NEVER EVER EVER LEAVING AGAIN, until July. What’s that, you want to...
View ArticleTruck Fump! Truck Him Right In His Ear!
Do you, like all sentient beings on the planet, have a violently strong distaste for presidential candidate Donald J. Trump (nee Drumpf)? Of course you do! Do you, like so very many others, feel the...
View ArticleWould You Like Wonkette In Your Box Every Morning?
How long has it been since you examined your box? Do you like to examine it in the morning, when the sunlight hits it just right? When you examine your box, tell us, is Wonkette in it? Send a canary...
View ArticleSara Benincasa’s ‘Real Artists Have Day Jobs’ Comprises Many Chapters, Words....
Hello citizens! It is I, Sara Benincasa, longtime Wonkette contributor and longer-time Wonkette commenter. I am here to tell you about my new book, Real Artists Have Day Jobs, which you can obtain via...
View ArticleOh Whoops We Just Forced You To Buy This Shirt Of Hillary Clinton Cutting Off...
Do you know the story of Judith and Holofernes? Judith was a rad Jewish woman, and Holofernes was a … Roman? general who wanted to rape her. She was like “cool, Holofernes, I will just come to your...
View ArticleSwitch To Clean Energy, Help The Earth And Your Wonkette All At Once With One...
Here's a company that's using the good ol' free market to expand the reach of clean wind power. You want to save the planet, don't you?
View ArticleWhat’s Up With All These Dumb Gross Ads At Yr Wonkette Dot Com? A Wonksplainer
Wonkers! There you are, just trying to read your dick jokes in peace, and some fucking thing keeps looping and crashing your browser. Or there’s a fucking poll that sounds like it was written by Steven...
View ArticleNow Is The Time For All Good Wonkers To Come To The Aid Of Our Dick Jokes
Hello there, beautiful wonderful Wonkers we love! You are looking very intelligent today! Is that a new sweater? We need money.
View ArticleAre You Reading Political Wire? No? What’s Wrong With You? Are You A Loser?...
Where do the media elites go for the 'inside scoop' on political intrigue? Wouldn't YOU like to know!
View ArticleGo Solar For Christmas, Even If You Live In A Cave! It’s A FESTIVUS MIRACLE!
Here comes the sun -- and you can harness its mighty power!
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Our Friends At Penzeys To Paul Ryan: You’ve Got To Be Kind!
Paid post! The excellent and ethical folks at Penzeys are helping to support Wonkette by paying us to run this post from their Facebook page. Honestly though we would have run it for free. Cooking is...
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May We Have Some More Please?
Feed the baby Good morning, wonkers of love! It is that time of month again, no not that one, it is the time of month when I say AIYEEEEEEE Wonkette is totally ad-free now and has been for some time,...
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Literally Anyone Else 2020! Now Your Head Is Not Naked!
HELLO PATRIOTS! Here is your red, white, and blue LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE 2020 hats! For just $19.99! Is there FREE SHIPPING? There is FREE SHIPPING! Order now, and we will send them to you when we...
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PISSED OFF? NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE? YOU AND US BOTH BABY.
LOOK AT MY NIECES! Are you, like your entire Wonkette staff, sick to your stomach? Even your old friend alcohol isn’t helping? Maybe giving us money and getting some PUBLIC FURY to put on your bean and...
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It Is Your Monthly Reminder, Gentle Wonkette Readers, To #PayTheFuckUp
Hello, Wonkers! It is once again that time of the month where we cry poor, and ask you for money, and remind you how #sad your life would be without us, because of how you would be dead or in jail like...
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Portland, Bend, Reno, And Long Beach, CA, It Is Your Turn To Host The Get Out...
HI. HOW YEW? Living it up in your balmy 45-degree bikini weather? Then we are COMIN’ TO VISIT! We love Montana, home to so many exciting Klan members running for office, plus whatever these guys are,...
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